The ultimate Israeli "ars"

A guy buying sushi: "Ani rotze kombinatzia zayin".

{I want the combination #7 - in Hebrew, "zayin" (the letter Z) is the correspondent of no. 7, and in the Hebrew slang "zayin" is nothing but penis}

Neighbours

Israeli guy: Hello! I am XY and I want to know more about this event …..

Parparush: The event will take place on Thursday, XX of November, at … pm … … …

Israeli guy: When did you came to Israel? … Wow and your Hebrew is so beautiful … Where do you live? In Tel Aviv? Where in Tel Aviv? … Do you like it here? … How long will you be here in Israel? … How old are you? … What is exactly your job here? ….

Parparush: Would you like to give me your email address so that I will send you more details on this issue?

Israeli guy: Personal or official email address?

Parparush: Official.

Israeli guy: Ok, Parparush, here is it.

Parparush: Thank you. … What is this (ending of the address)?

Israeli guy: ….. 11^th floor

Parparush: What 11^th floor?

Israeli guy: Take the elevator for 6 levels and come to have a coffee together.

Parparush: I am afraid of heights.

Israeli guy: I will come down then!

Parparush: Ok, if you come down, then I will not send you the email.

Israeli guy: No, send it. How will I know your email address?

Parparush [shakes hands with him before he leaves]

Israeli guy [holds my hand]: Don't forget: 11^th floor! … Nice meeting you and I would love to have a coffee with you some time.

Parparush [pretending not understanding Hebrew]: Shall I call to offer you a coffee now?

Israeli guy: No no. I must go. Have a nice day! Bye!

Israeli coffee

Drinking coffee in Israel is quite an adventure. Watch out - what you want is not what you get!

Survival guide:

• cappuccino - "kafe hafuch" or "twisted coffee", what they mean is an ordinary coffee with milk; until yet I haven't discovered the real cappuccino;
  
• caffe frappe - here they call it simply "ice coffee" and they have some amazing combinations;
• caffe latte - and they mean "coffee with milk" but not the above mentioned one :-/
• black coffee - don't expect a coffee without sugar because you're wrong; they mean coffee with sugar but with no milk, that's why it's black isn't it!?

And if you still have doubts about coffee in Israel, look at the picture and try to guess what I have ordered. Oh, and I have received a fork and a knife too!

Giveret!!!!

Tonight I made some errands at AM:PM, and on the way back home, two high school youngsters asked me: "Giveret, tirtzi she'naazor lach im ha'sakyiot?" (Madam, would you like us to help you with the bags?"). I was so bored and I pretended not to understand Hebrew, so the same guy added: "Hi lo mevina ivrit. Raita et ha'tachat shela?" (She doesn't understand Hebrew. Did you see her ass?). And then, they passed me by chatting about their problems.

And here I was, alone with my three bags moving my 'ass' back home. I was shocked to be called "giveret" - am I suddenly so old so that young people could call me like this? And since when my bottom is an issue for the high school kids?

trendy Tel Aviv

1. fancy clothes from Castro or Renuar
   
2. bike or scooter
3. Crocs or beach slippers in the summer
4. Crocs with fur in the winter
5. Shabbat evening at a fancy restaurant or a night club (inside drinking and dancing, outside smoking!) with friends
   
6. Shabbat breakfast at a fancy cafe on the boulevard (with the partner, and/or kids and/or pet)
7. typically Israeli conversation topics: amazing parking experiences, amazing household experiences (e.g. how the ketchup bursted from the bottle straight in your face), amazing situations from work (e.g. pranks played on/by the colleagues), sharing one's philosophy of life in public, amazing feelings about the ex-partner (usually ferm and loud expressed) and so on
   

post at Bar Ilan

Brother! Don't call me brother!

Explanation of the picture wanted ...

Happy (late) Valentine's Day

So, this is Valentine's Day in Israel - NOTHING SPECIAL! Once again I felt like these people don't celebrate ... take me to the streets and ask me if there is any holiday or celebration, and I would say NO for sure, because I don't see anything special. I can "smell" the Shabbat but I cannot "smell" holidays, Jewish or not it doesn't matter. Well, on Hanukka I did see some palm trees wrapped in lights on Ibn Gvirol Blvd. ... and Dizengoff mall full of decorations. But, hey! this time I missed Dizengoff Mall's decorations on Valentine's Day - if there were any ...

However, BIG THANKS to the Indian restaurant on the corner for the beautiful heart-shaped baloons. If it hadn't been for them, I wouldn't have known it was a holiday. Still, with a single heart there won't be any Valentine's Day ...

I miss the crowded metro exits with hundreds of people selling kitsch stuff for Valentine's Day. I miss hanging around with friends at the Valentine's Day fair. I miss the young women with red roses received from their lovers. I miss happy faces. But I don't miss this day spent without my Valentine!

"Ma? Anachnu Ashkenazim?"

Or put it in other words "what? are we Ashkenazim?" -

This is the reaction to my "European tea ceremony" - big red cups, tea spoons, napkins, small fancy porcelain sugar bowl, small fancy box with a rich selection of teas, small fancy porcelain nana bowl, kettle with boiling water ... everything "mesudar kmo she-tzarich" (in order, as it should be).

If I were Bedouin I would drink a boiling hot Bedouin tea with a lot of sugar (I will not tell you the secret of my boyfriend's delicious tea), in a more relaxed atmosphere, sitting on comfortable pillows (and not on my stiff Ikea wooden chairs), in the middle of the nature (not in the middle of the noisy Tel Aviv) ...

But, even so, I enjoyed more the company than the tea itself, which was just an excuse.

Jerusalem fashion on Shabbat

MEN - (fur) hats covered by plastic bags
WOMEN - hats with huge flowers in the front

WHY - Both accessoires offer perfect protection against the rain
DILEMMA - Is it forbidden to use an umbrella on Shabbat?

sequence of tenses

Today I called the Cinematheque in Tel Aviv to find out some details concerning Mungiu's film. The young lady who answered me was very kind and she really struggled to help me but she seemed to missunderstand me: "There isn't such a film!" "Is it a private screening?" "I'm telling you, this film doesn't appear on my list! Listen, I will check if this film exists and maybe in the future we will host it." and so on.

How could she tell me there's no such film! My Romanian pride started to take shape: "Look, you cannot say that there's no such film when Mungiu has won so many prizes!? And how can you say this when the screening was mentioned even on your website!? I myself was there, in the audience!" ...

And then she screamed "rega!" and asked someone in the office who told her "I heard of this guy!" I thought I would go mad!

In the end, after the neverending sound of her keyboard, she concludes: "I cannot make you a reservation for a film that doesn't exist!"

And then I realized what her problem was: sequence of tenses! pararel worlds!
And how come I was unaware of the fact that I can make a reservation for a film that doesn't exist at the time we speak but existed a month ago!? That's still a mistery to me ...

http://www.4months3weeksand2days.com/blog/

working in Tel Aviv

Internet Cafe on HaNeviim St. in Tel Aviv

I still have a problem understanding the situation - who is this guy?

1. the guy who works there
2. the security guy
3. the client who 'appears offline' to his friends

Waiting for your answers ...

Kiriat Shmona experience

Kiriat Shmona - the city of the 8 (heroes who died in the 1920 battle for Tel Hai, including the famous Joseph Trumpeldor) -

It was a special experience to spend the Shabbat in Kiriat Shmona - from the sometimes annoying silence and the never-ending rain on Friday to the sunny Saturday and the annoying religious Jewish man who kept on asking me all kinds of questions about my mysterious existence on HaYarden Street number 16.

Attached is a picture-collage of the main street, on Shabbat - no people, no cars passing by ... and me taking pictures! Enjoy!